Sunrise

What if hope bursts out like blinding ball of light every morning?

Things to be grateful for

1. A mother who stands by me through thick and thin, even when I'm not her model daughter.
2. Two friends: Benjamin and Kristen.
3. The new batch of dive masters who have always been willing to adopt me during breakfast, lunch and dinner.
4. Something new to move on to when I close my current chapter.
5. God, and the grace to always have faith in Him.

I really must focus on these five things! :)

Lessons in grief

I think one of the lessons that I've to learn from all these rejections and disappointments is that I've to help myself become a better person, because in the end, no one else will help me. It's a very cynical point of view but one that I think is the gospel truth. People will only help if it will benefit them in return. That's why as we grow older, we only make friends with benefits. Gone are the days when you can just befriend anyone simply because you click well and you like them. If they're of no benefit for you, what's the use? To know that you're being rejected for that reason hurts 10x more of course. :-/

Another thing I've learned is that among all the friends that you have, it's your family who will understand you best and who will stick with you towards the end. You don't have to benefit them, you don't have to be extra special, you don't have to stand out. All because you're family, and they will love you just the way you are.

As hurtful it is to swallow all this, it's coming true for me with each passing rejection and disappointment. They hurt, and the people I run to is my family. And two friends. And God. :)

...so help me, God. Not to be too bitter and cynical. To keep giving people chances to be better and to have hope in mankind.

Divine inspiration

Well. Since I got tired of clearing the cobwebs out of my old blog, I decided to "move house" instead. I randomly will feel the need to blog, but it doesn't come very often. :-/ Tumblr was okay, but I still think that a proper blog is still the thing to turn to. Ranting/story-telling on Facebook isn't very polite to those who couldn't be bothered with my life, so... :)

Last night I had a pretty long chat with a friend on Facebook, and somehow, it turned into trust in God. I was telling her a lot of things, and frankly, I was surprised with myself. This is the second time I shared about trust (the first with Jess during a pre-CNY meet), and that time Jess expressed her amazement at what I said. 2010 was probably one of the worst years in my life, but I think God helped me grow so much that year. And everything that I learned made me into the person I am today - a much calmer, trusting person who has grown in faith in God. Well. At least that what I'd like to think of myself, haha!

Anyway, last night. I felt like God was speaking through me to this friend in particular. It was a pretty weird experience, being able to say the right things and help someone to lift their troubles to God and reassuring them that God loves them and won't want anything bad to happen to those He loves! Actually, as I typed that down last night, I felt reassured with it as well, because that was just what I needed to hear. Fancy that, coming from myself, lol. There was a another topic I was initially writing about that led to this trust issue, and THAT was also very relevant to myself. I didn't really think like that before, but as I typed it all down, I figured that it was probably lingering at the back of my head already, and last night I was finally able to put it into words.

*Phew!*

It's been a long time since I cranked out something this long. But I really needed to put it down before I forget about this moment. I'm normally not so holy-moly, haha. It is embarassing sometimes because I'm always afraid that I'll say something wrong. 

Okay then, that's it! I've to get back to work (proof-reading a WWF report). I may or may not update this blog often, hahaha~ So no need to check back too often. :)