Lessons in grief

I think one of the lessons that I've to learn from all these rejections and disappointments is that I've to help myself become a better person, because in the end, no one else will help me. It's a very cynical point of view but one that I think is the gospel truth. People will only help if it will benefit them in return. That's why as we grow older, we only make friends with benefits. Gone are the days when you can just befriend anyone simply because you click well and you like them. If they're of no benefit for you, what's the use? To know that you're being rejected for that reason hurts 10x more of course. :-/

Another thing I've learned is that among all the friends that you have, it's your family who will understand you best and who will stick with you towards the end. You don't have to benefit them, you don't have to be extra special, you don't have to stand out. All because you're family, and they will love you just the way you are.

As hurtful it is to swallow all this, it's coming true for me with each passing rejection and disappointment. They hurt, and the people I run to is my family. And two friends. And God. :)

...so help me, God. Not to be too bitter and cynical. To keep giving people chances to be better and to have hope in mankind.